I meant to continue sooner; last week Tuesday evening I found out I was flying out Wednesday-Thursday; Sunday was a martial arts seminar. No doubt general procrastination has had some effect too.
Anyway. you can’t make life style cut-backs without a few reservations. Mine are: why couldn’t I ‘cut it’? (to use a different sense of the phrase) At some level, when things came up, they got done, so why couldn’t I handle everything in the normal flow of things? Many people do more, yes? At some level it feels like admitting defeat and failing the responsibilities of daily life. This feeling is what held me back for a very long.
That comes from within. On the other side, is without. When I talked about cutting back at work, what I heard was that I was one of the few people who could be trusted with such an arrangement. There were other statements of which I’ve forgotten the specifics, but which I took as effectively praise. The effect was not dissimilar with the martial arts school, and the condo board seems to love me, even though the best things I can say of the process so far is I’m learning from my mistakes.
I think what bothers me is the disconnect in the messages. As nice as it is to hear praise, are people feeding me lines, or am i taking an unnecessarily dim view of my own actions?